Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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