i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
