Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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