Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
