I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
