a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
