She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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