There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
