we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
