Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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