I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
