I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
did i walk over a car last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
