drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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