oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
