haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
