Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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