I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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