so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
