bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
