5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
