I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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