end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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