i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
