and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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