I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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