Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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