Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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