just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize