tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
