he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
