i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
