does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
