Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
