I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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