my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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