I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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