Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
