Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
