You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
