I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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