Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
