chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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