why didn't you poke me back
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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