we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
