we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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