Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
