tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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