you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
