Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
