I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
