I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
