dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
