Little spoons don't ask big questions
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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