I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
