Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
