I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
