You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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