It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His hands were made for my vagina.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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