I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
