Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
