His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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