if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
