I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
