also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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