Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
