I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
