Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm at about main and main street
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
