Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
